Extreme Pressure + Stress = Desperation

That's right, I'm desperate... I admit it! There's no point in trying to deny it any longer! I'm screaming inside my head, "HELP! HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!" See? Only a desperate person would behave that way, screaming for help, Ha! As if anyone else doesn't have a million things on their own plates! As if my troubles could be lightened even a smidgen! That's the point, right? They're MY troubles! I can't give them away, I can't throw them out, they are completely attached to ME! What's the freaking point of trying to imagine even the possibility that they could be lessened? OK........ I think I'm starting to accept them. What's that? Curious? Want to know what could possibly resurrect the blogger in me, and at 1:15 am, no less? Well, since you asked...... I guess I could fill you in on what the heck is going on....

Motherhood. That's what it is. I was going to say Autism. I thought about it, but that's not it. It doesn't cover enough. You see, I'm not just responsible for my autistic child. I'm also responsible for my infant, my preschooler, my preteen daughter and my nearly teen brilliant son! They all need me very much. I feel very rewarded and satisfied by fulfilling their needs. So, what's the problem? It's not enough.....

This next week I have to take Westley to Phoenix for some extensive testing. I haven't been sharing the whole story lately. Let's face it, I haven't been sharing any story lately! You see, we've been having some trouble with his homework. Pretty much since he started 1st grade, we've had this trouble. I've complained to his Occupational Therapist who visits him weekly. She decided a few tests would be in order. These tests revealed a very significant delay in visual processing. Basically, the stuff that makes all the tiny letters and numbers line up and make sense aren't doing their jobs right. We've known for some time that there were issues there, just not how severe they really are. This testing in Phoenix will tell us how extensive a problem it is and what we can do about it. It was the first appointment I could get. I feel blessed that we can afford to make this happen. I'm sure there are others in my situation who aren't so blessed.

My problem is, what to do with the other four children while I take the 10 hour round trip drive with West, and that doesn't include the three or more hours needed to do the tests! Not sure what to do. James & Melanie can probably handle getting themselves to school & their appointments with piano, etc. Laura & Ben need supervision, schedules, etc. Can't see entertaining them on that long trip AND at the loby of the visual therapist's office......

This is the part where my trusty and loyal friends or husband step in and rescue me. Yeah, right! Like their lives would conveniently and coincidentally be wide open and available for me ALL day!? My first choices in friends to ask each have their reasons not to be available. One is stressed to the max and overwhelmed already, another is very ill at the moment and I couldn't burdeon her with even asking! The last recently had surgery and isn't healing very well. Oh yeah, what about Ryan the trusty husband? Well, he had surgery recently too. He had to take a lot of time off already and had to inconvenience quite a lot of patients to do it. It goes against the grain for him to imagine putting any of them off......

OK! ENOUGH!!!! I GET IT!!!!!! I'll FREAKING DEAL WITH IT!!!!! I'LL ASK MY FREAKING BUSY AND FREAKING SICK FRIENDS. IF THEY CAN'T DO IT, I'LL ASK MY ACQUAINTANCES! IF THEY CAN'T DO IT, I'LL FREAKING DO IT MYSELF!

Don't worry, I can handle it. Heaven knows I'm used to it! It is after all, MY job. The non-autistic kids in my family are just gonna have to suck it up and deal for a long stretch on Thursday. Don't worry, they're used to it too.