It Finally Begins. . . Almost. . .

The wait for beginnings is uncomfortable. The anticipation, the mental planning the preparation make for many sleepless nights. My blog this evening is occurring on the eve of many new beginnings. The last evening before new things to come. . . Try to savor it just a moment. . . It's maddening!!!

The first thing for me tomorrow is an hour and a half interview by phone with ALTECS. This interview will essentially determine the future of therapy helps for Westley. The interview a week ago with DDD (the government agency governing developmental disabilities) went well. We don't have the report back yet but the social worker that visited with me indicated that West will most likely be qualified for their services. They're the guys that actually come in and provide the various services and helps that West needs year round (speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc.). The one potential hitch is funding for their services. The cost for these kinds of therapies is prohibitively expensive. Consider what it would take to provide them for West for the rest of his life! Consider what would happen to him and his needs if something ever happened to his parents! The avenues for paying are somewhat limited. Without guaranteed federal dollars designated for West, they (DDD) have to put him on a waiting list. We don't qualify for social security, we make too much money. We don't likely have the personal cash to back the program West needs. That's why DDD works hand in hand with ALTECS. ALTECS (what it stands for I couldn't say) is the agency that provides federal dollars to those who qualify. It's the same agency that manages longterm illnesses that require 24 hour nursing. If West qualifies for ALTECS, the path to DDD services is a smooth one. Qualifying will be somewhat tricky. If it's all based on our income and not West's income, etc, we may be in trouble. The information requested is for the applicant. . . West. How our income affects this I won't know until I'm in the interview. To help them consider only West's income, the fact that he has been receiving services for speech since he was 15 months old will help. That further identifies him as someone who will likely need services of one variety or another for the rest of his life, regardless of his parent's income and perhaps long after we're gone. The anticipation of this interview is exhausting!!! What will happen?!!! It's so important that he be qualified. I hope that I don't mess it all up somehow. Ultimately, I know that whatever is meant to happen will happen.

The other beginnings are less stressful but still intense.

Tomorrow evening I'm scheduled for what will most likely be my last ever OB ultrasound. I scheduled it for a time that the whole family can attend. I plan to completely savor the entire experience (less those distractions that will likely come from every angle from my children). The "beginning" part of this is the potential discovery of the gender of baby number 5. This valuable piece of information will lend a hint to the inevitable changes to come for our family in the birth of our fifth baby. No ultrasound can identify personality, quirks, potential needs, etc. We'll have to settle for the gender as our only clue. That's assuming the baby will cooperate and not be too modest! Knowing the gender will determine which of my kid's rooms will be rearranged to make room for the crib. We have a boy's room and a girl's room. With some finesse, the crib will fit in either. If we find out it's a boy, I'll have some girl stuff to give away and a name to come up with. If we find out it's a girl, it'll confirm what I've felt from the beginning and we'll have baby Emily Lynn to prepare for. Either way will be exciting! I'm 20 weeks and 4 days along. That's more than halfway by my reckoning! It feels like it's just around the corner! I'm getting huge!! Thankfully I haven't gained much weight and hope that particular trend will continue. Baby is VERY active! I am constantly reminded by the cutest little kicks and bumps that baby number 5 is strong and on it's way! That's a beautiful beginning if ever there was one! The hard part is waiting!

The last "beginning" we're anticipating will happen the day after tomorrow. Tomorrow evening, my friend's brother and his pal will show up with their gear (they're contractors). They'll stay in our travel trailer (they live two hours away) in preparation for two full days of hard work. Since he's my friend's brother, I'm getting the "family"discount. We get both guys for a total cost of $25 per hour!!! Can't beat that with anything! They have a copy of our plans and the materials have been delivered. We've cleared out the space with the exception of an upright freezer and a washer and dryer. Tomorrow, I will clean everything (it's amazing how many cobwebs can collect in a garage!). They feel they'll have the whole thing framed in by Saturday evening!!! Next week we'll have the inspectors come and approve everything. Next weekend, they'll come again and tape and float everything. The following weekend, he'll come alone and texturize and paint everything. That leaves the finishing touches (folding table, mud room cubbies, etc.). It'll all be finished inside a month!!! YEA!!! This will be the crowning jewel in the home preparations for baby and treatment of autism!!! The new playroom will be fabulous!! The new laundry room will be awesome!! The pantry will be great!! The mud room will be amazing!!! I can't stand the waiting for my dream to come true!!! We estimate that it will all be done for less than $3,500! Not bad for the organizing, living space and sanity we'll be getting out of this deal.

The thing about beginnings is you can never tell exactly what ends they will lead to. The anticipation, anxiety, stress, preparation, etc are all part of the journey. The start of big things often come with a lot of hope that they'll be positive and the results will be beneficial. The reality is that snags will happen, disappointments, unexpected setbacks will all be part of it. These journeys and beginnings are never completely within our control. We have to roll with the punches and keep the end goal in mind. Flexibility helps. A sense of humor is a must. Whatever happens will add experience and lend confidence to future "beginnings."

At any rate, wish me luck! I wish you all luck in your beginnings, whatever they may be.